14 New Year’s Resolutions For 2014

So 2013 is finally behind us. Looking back on that waste of a year has got me thinking about what I want to accomplish in 2014. And how I will manage to rationalize screwing it up.

1. I will watch less Netflix.

Unless: Netflix doesn’t go out of business, thereby keeping thousands of shows and movies online, free to watch anywhere, anytime, for the low, low cost of $7.99 a month.

2. I will read something educational, something other than my normal genres of Fantasy, Sci-Fi, and Buffy slash fiction.

Unless: They come out with The Doors of Stone, The Winds of Winter, and the 10th season of Buffy.

3. I will be more social and actively try to see my friends and family.

Unless: I’m too busy watching Netflix. Or sleeping. Or not giving a fuck.

4. I will metaphorically shift my life out of neutral and get myself a big boy job.

Unless: I can find a way to get paid to do something that is actually fun and entertaining. Such as creating humorous, irreverent, GIF-filled posts about what I’m hoping to do with my life.

5. I will cut out fast food and instead cook for myself.

Unless: Taco Bell comes out with some crazy-cheap, transportable nacho contraption.

6. I will get out and exercise more.

Unless: Let’s just be real. This one’s not going to happen.

7. I will be fiscally responsible and save money.

Unless: I don’t get said big boy job and continue to barely make ends meet even though I’m selling off parts of my body like a junkyard on Tatooine.

8. I will finally realize I’m not in college anymore and drink less.

Unless: Somebody asks me to go drink with them. It’s rude to say no.

9. I will actually finish things I set out to accomplish. Like this list. Or my website. Or my diets (yes, plural). Or Chuck or West Wing or Human Target or whatever other shows I’m partway through.

Unless: I get distrac…SQUIRREL!

10. I will stop getting drawn into all-day NCIS marathons.

Unless: It’s one of USA’s “Gibbs’ Rules” marathons. Because he is my role model and a total silver fox.

11. I will actually use the Rosetta Stone my brother gave me. Despite the fact that it’s complicated and I have no idea how to even open the file on my computer.

Unless: I can just get away with acting like ich spreche deutsche sehr gut bippity boppity.

12. I will attempt to be a little more humble.

Unless: I say something exceedingly clever.

13. I will go on trips and make memories. Like a trip back to Ireland or finally going to SDCC. Where I will proceed to charm the pants off of Felicia Day and/or Emma Watson and/or Jennifer Lawrence and/or Nathan Fillion.

Unless: I don’t finish my Thorin cosplay. Or I fail at #7. Which, let’s be real, is pretty likely.

14. I will do what makes me happy.

Unless: There is a smart, nerdy, and pretty girl who wants me to do something else.