A response to this article posted on Elite Daily which has recently started blowing up my news feed. Expect a lot of rhetorical questions, indignation, and sarcasm.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a knight. One of those gallant heroes with the tall horse, plumed helmet, and a magical sword forged to slay the princess-kidnapping dragon. But then I grew up. I went to high school and college and stopped thinking like a child. I realized those days are past and chivalry died with them. Good riddance. Just because something was, does not mean it should always be.
Chivalry is respectful misogyny. It’s treating women like a pale flower that would wither in the sunlight if not for the shade you as a man cast upon her. You, the author, romanticize it. For example:
What happened to paying for dinner and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that sh*t? Where did we lose the chivalrous touch…I’m just saying, why have we strayed away from what has been established as the norm?
First off, lets discuss some Logic & Reasoning 101. You are committing a logical fallacy called the Appeal to Tradition. What this entails is that because something was once done a certain way, that it is the correct way. We know this isn’t the case though, right? I’m pretty sure we as a nation got it, and in some cases are still getting it, wrong with the whole racism, sexism, and homophobia thing.
And this tradition that you’re appealing to seems to be a return to the sexually-repressed 1950’s, where men smelled of Old Spice and women made sandwiches. Somebody’s been watching way too much Mad Men. Do you even know why men used to pay for everything? It’s pretty simple. They were the primary breadwinners. Do you know why they were the primary breadwinners? Pressure from the dominant culture at that time for a wife to stay at home. For a single woman to find a well-to-do man to marry and then stay at home. Rampant sexism, misogyny, and nepotism from the male-centric workforce.
And not all women are the same. Personally, I’d take Buffy over Bella. I’m sure that some women today are traditionalists. But with my super-scientific sample of the women I’ve befriended from college and work, I’m not seeing many. My ex and I would trade off on who paid for each date. We made roughly the same amount of money (she made more) and, I can’t believe I even have to say this, thought of ourselves as equals.
The cause for equality between the sexes has made great strides in recent decades. Income disparity has decreased. From 1950 to 2000, the percent of women making up the U.S. workforce has gone up nearly twenty percent. And recently, a lot of these jobs have been in higher paying positions. This has led to a generation of self-sufficient women.
And believe me, I get it. This makes the dating world today confusing. Should I still pay on the first date? Should I pull her chair out? Should we go out or would she be more comfortable just eating at home? Her place or mine? It’s really complicated. But you know how you can find out? Ask. I see you have a website dedicated entirely to the subject of dating. So you should get that not all women are the same. You write, “When did it become acceptable to just text a girl, inviting her to come bang?” I’m sorry, but when was sex something only men received pleasure from? Nobody’s forcing her to come over. Some women might prefer a primarily physical relationship. I believe it was the plot of a couple movies. And this:
Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex. It’s pretty obvious that women own the cards, and when they start acting like it, they’ll finally start getting dinner from places that don’t deliver.
This paragraph made me want to vomit find the nearest wall and put my head through it have Elon Musk invent a way to punch you through the computer. I’m sorry, but are you stating that the only reason women have sex is to get what they want? This manner of thinking reduces them to prostitutes, selling their bodies for dinners, drinks, and movie tickets. It seems that you wrote this sincerely, so maybe you just don’t realize what a callous ass you’re being. Not to mention what you think of your fellow men. I like sex. I think sex is great. I wish I was having it right now. But that’s not all I want if I actually like a woman. I would want shared interests and human interaction and a friend and, mainly, somebody to watch Doctor Who with.
As top commenter Jenna Ruth wrote, “Stop treating women like delicate flowers who fart rainbows and aren’t as interested in sex as men are, and start treating them like people.” You write about women and what they deserve. All they deserve is being treated as an equal. If you only treat your date with respect, and not every other woman and man, you’re not doing it because you actually have respect for them. You’re doing it to score brownie points and that’s just flat out disingenuous. Chivalry treats women as something to be taken care of, whether that is your personal belief or not. Just show women the respect you would show any other person. You can be a nice guy without buying a girl flowers and dinner. You can be an ass while buying a girl a yacht. Amount of time & money spent on a girl ≠ a better date.
And now for the nitpicking. Marriages and relationships fail at well more than a 50% clip. I have absolutely no statistics on this, but it has to be at least 90%. How many relationships do you think a person has on average before finding the one? How many people marry their first partner, or even their second? And last, but least, this sentence. “Treat yourself to a good meal, and if the company is good, why the hell wouldn’t you take a girl out to a nice dinner?” Oh, the syntax. It just physically hurts to read.
UPDATE 11/20/13 – Clarified a passage that my old English professor didn’t like. And old as in I’m graduated, not that she’s actually old. Just to be clear.